Is Shame Hindering You from Giving Great Performances?

Tips on Overcoming the “Shame” of Enjoying Art and Music

originally written October 1, 2016

Today’s post will be a bit different than what I normally write.  The topic is performance shame.  I believe this is an important issue all performers must face:  How much does shame impact the way you perform?  Could understanding the difference between shame and pleasure take your performance to the next level?

Lessons from Junior High “Shy” Kids

Over the years, I’ve watched many instructors try to get their percussion section to perform—to really get into the music.  The most recent event I witnessed was at a pep rally rehearsal with junior high students.  They were playing a rock tune, and they were supposed to be jamming out by holding drum sticks over their heads and clicking them together on the backbeat.  Of course, there are always a couple of students who don’t “sell it” as much as the others.  In situations like this I will inevitably hear the director say, “If you’re afraid of looking silly, you will look really silly if you’re the only one not doing it.”  While this threat is certainly true, it rarely seems to motivate students to perform more enthusiastically.  Usually, the student who is reluctant to perform exuberantly is still reluctant.  In the past, I chalked this up to nothing more than shyness, but I started thinking back to my own experience in junior high, and I realized performance difficulty may lie in something far deeper.  It goes beyond being introverted or the fear of looking silly.  I call it performance shame.

I talked out my theory with the group, and I was surprised how much it seemed to resonate.  It was one of the most open, authentic discussions I’ve had with a group of students in a while.  I realize this may not apply to everyone, but for many musicians, singers, and performers, I believe performance shame is very real—and it can be crippling.

The Power of Enthusiastic Performances

I think most people enjoy watching someone who performs enthusiastically.  They watch someone play an instrument with passion; they watch someone dance with amazing confidence; they watch someone sing with gusto.  There is something mesmerizing about such an experience.  When someone performs with great energy and confidence, it makes us feel alive, and it energizes us to do the same.

I believe we enjoy these types of performances because they help us get in touch with our humanity.  When people can truly experience any emotion—joy, pleasure, surprise, sorrow, grief—they feel more alive.  The performing arts invite people to be more fully human.  Unfortunately, performance shame often gets in the way, and we actually deny our humanity.

This denial of self can occur in situations like the one I described above.  We may have the opportunity to perform something really jamming—yet we don’t “get into it” as much as we might like.  Or we may have the opportunity to perform something more tender and moving.  We might be swept up in the moment so that we even feel the desire to shed tears—yet we toughen up and hold back.  When we feel like we cannot perform on such a human level, there is a good chance performance shame lies underneath.

The Voices of Performance Shame

Performance shame comes from two sources—internal and external.  The internal source is that little voice inside us that says, “You don’t deserve to express your passion.  You don’t deserve pleasure or enjoyment.  Those other people deserve to enjoy what they’re doing, but you don’t.”

The external source comes from other people.  Most often, this external threat is only in our heads, but sometimes it’s an unfortunate reality that other people are jerks.  We have a fear that others will say, “You looked really stupid.  Who do you think you are?  No one wants to see that.  You have no right to enjoy yourself that much.”

Once again, our fear of external shame is mostly imagined.  Rarely do other people actually talk this way.  Most of the time, they are just as excited over an enthusiastic performance as you are.

Confronting the Lies of Shame

Whether the source is internal or external, if you ever want to reach your full potential and enjoy performing, you must overcome every aspect of performance shame.  If you are telling yourself, “You don’t deserve to find pleasure and enjoyment in performing,” you must recognize this as a limiting belief.  It is a lie.  Oftentimes, we hear things like, “No one deserves a good job, a good education, a television set, or pleasure of any kind.”  While it may be true that no one has an inherent right to these things, you have no less of a right than anyone else.  You have equal claim to enjoying your life as anyone else.  If you are a musician or some other type of performer, you probably perform because you enjoy it to a certain degree.  Why not allow yourself to enjoy it all the way?

If you are fearful that you might “lose control” and face someone else’s ridicule for an exuberant performance, then you are giving them an awful lot of power.  Why let them shame you?  Just say, “Who are you to tell me what I can or can’t enjoy?”

A Positive Path to Pursue

Performing enthusiastically is actually a form of leadership.  It’s making a statement to everyone watching:  I am not ashamed of enjoying what I am doing.  I am enjoying myself.  If you’re willing, you can enjoy yourself too.

If you can boldly proclaim these truths when you perform, people will want to follow you.  This kind of positive attitude is contagious.

The opposite of shame is pride (the good kind).  Instead of being ashamed of the pleasure you receive from performing, you can take pride in it.  Another antonym of shame is delight.  You can take pride and find delight in your performance.  It’s not enough to stop doing something negative—that is, being ashamed.  You have to replace it with something positive—that is, taking pride and delighting in the pleasure of a performance well done.

So the next time you have the opportunity to give a dynamic performance, don’t allow the voices of performance shame to get a foothold.  If you want to rock out, go for it.  If the music moves you to weep, don’t allow yourself to be shamed.  If you want to dance and move, then shake what your mama gave you!

To reach your full potential as a performer, it’s vitally important to overcome performance shame.  Get in touch with your humanity.  Delight in it.  Take pride in it.  Lead by example.  Inspire others to do the same.

 

How about you?  Have you or someone you know ever dealt with performance shame?  How has it affected you?  What have you done to overcome it?  Share your thoughts and stories in the comments section below.